December is a 10

December is a 10 a number of new beginnings & instant manifestation. The prime Universal Code, the Sacred language of love and light.

magic of 10

Yes, December is without fail the final of 12 months in the Western Calendar.  12 is a measure of time – 12 months, 12 planetary houses, 12 hours of daytime, 12 new moons, 12 full moons.  12 by its very nature holds the first three prime numbers.

12 is the number of learning,  through action and connection we learn, reflecting the natural cycle of life.   One plus two – First (masculine) and Second (feminine) equal 3 (the child).  Joyful play are the result and the cause of self discovery.  Exactly the mood for the final month of the year, where we reflect, celebrate and plan.

While our Western calendar and the seasons keep up on track, and nature and the universe has its own timekeeper.  We mark hours and days by the numbers, they are a constant in our lives.

A universal conversation, no matter what tongue you speak.

The numeric calendar of the universe is invoked when we add all the digits of the daily calendar.

universal codeGregorian or Western calendar follows the same plan every year.  However the universal calendar runs on energy, fueling our growth and allowing for shifts and change to aid our souls journey, life purpose and destiny. This calendar is full of clues.   Which means every December is not a 10 universal month.  The universal numbers do move around, and there is a method to this madness.   It is quite magical.

This year December looks like this :  2+0+1+4+1+2  which adds up to 10.

10 is a powerful number.  Containing divine protection with that exquisite Zero.  The  circle of life itself and the shape of the world.  Round is soft and has no edges, it can expand and contract as needed and you can land into spaces you have never traveled. Plus One  – the Prime number. Where the individual is separated from the mass to become one. That springboard of action.  One is the leader, and visionary as illustrated by expressions like you are number one.

We recognize the intrinsic power of one.  A baby learns “this is mine” at a very young age for a reason. There is safety in autonomy.  And brilliance in being ok with who we are.  Right now.

In wearing your crown with pride.  Queen of your life and your castle.

11-24-98-1 -- CROWN #3 -- TIM BERGER -- ROSE The 1940-1953 Rose Queen crown.1 and 0 together create the number we call the perfect 10. People have lists and measurements that revolve around that perfect score.  We are a little obsessed by the TEN and no wonder.  The magic of ten is illustrated in the act of adding a zero to a one,  every zero added increases the value by 10. Its pretty fabulous.

There is something else magical about the 10.  It is a number of instant manifestation.It puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.  You get to take charge of recognizing who you are in this moment.  You are a 10.  You have it all, right now and every breath. Even as you shift and expand.

Your belief is what separates you from others, a personal template of your life.  Take Mae West.  She didn’t wait for someone else to give her a stamp of approval. She understood from a young age that life gave her exactly what she expected. So she expected good things.  And you know what?  Good things kept happening.  The kind of good things she knew exactly what to do with.

mae west quote

Now you probably don’t want Mae West’s life. But you can learn from her.  She knew there was an opportunity for more freedom for women.  So she took the opening that shocked people.  One of her quotes is a perfect example of a 10 at work  –  “I believe in censorship, I made a fortune out of it.” She could have sat in her living room and moaned about the restrictions of censorship.  Instead she used it to her advantage.  That is the power of the 10 making things happen, quickly.

There are a couple of rules if you want to invoke the power of 10, for your own good.    Make sure what is on your mind is what you want to attract.  If you think life is difficult or that making money is impossible, the universe will deliver up that dish.    However if you are clear about what you want, set those intentions and focus on believing it exists in some form already, ie you are prosperous in what you have now, the universe will happily mirror your mind and heart.

what is your ten

When you are focusing on manifesting take a leaf from Mae’s playbook.  If you expect good things they keep happening.   Of course the number 10 and the Universe herself are indifferent to the results.  Humans are less so.  Sometimes we get fixated on a result we want and when it doesn’t happen, we get mad or angry.  Many times we give up. Did Mae rail against the world when she was called a slut or worse?  No, she used humor and the power of manifesting to get more of what she believed in.

Better to step into who you want to be, generous and prosperous.  Rich with life, blessed and joyful. That way goodness overflows everywhere, with plenty for all. This December you get a do over. To be number one, a co-creator of your own life.   Get clear, plan, decide and act, with your goals in mind.  Actions you take now will bear fruit to carry you through 2015.

What will you do with your 10?

If you want to find out what your personal numbers reveal about your purpose and personal success map, I invite you to book an Atro Numerology reading.


9 Royal Number of Release

November has been a month of Transition.

Everywhere I turn I am reminded that we are in a Number 9 (2+0+1+4+1+1) month. I suddenly got really sick without warning on Monday.  The 9 at work bringing me off my feet, to let go.

number pic 9

Numerology (the science of numbers) codifies everything by numbers, of course. There are two numeric systems at work her for marking days.  The Gregorian calendar, the one most westerners are familiar with.

And the Universal Calendar, the world I play in, where the Pythagorean method of measuring numbers is employed. Pythagoras believed the world was built on the power of numbers.

A vibration that resonates to souls and science.

The Gregorian Calendar gives us our year.  2014.    The Single digits added together (2+0+1+4 equals 7) give us the Universal Calendar.   Within the familiar lies the secret.  This is very much much the story of life. Hidden layers that the eye cannot see, surface when the heart opens.

Well this 9 month is lovingly giving us a kick in the butt, to revisit and release what is outdated. Basically with signs around the neck saying this has got to go, or similar.  Sometimes we do need to have it that obvious.   What are your signs saying?  Mine are ‘With all this crap in here you will not get where you want to go.  Time for a major cleaning!!!’

women to have power quote

My getting sick came with throwing up (definitely a sign that things have got to go) and lots of very vivid dreams and communications from my inner wisdom.   All about making a stand, and enough with the excuses (more clutter and obstruction).  The world doesnt judge us, we do.  Worrying how we look instead of getting back on that Success horse that needs us to practice by doing because it is the only way to get it the horse to move to the next square.

Ergo, I am in the perfect place.

A nine month is a month of the end point. So far and no further.  Especially in a 7 year of sabbatical energy.   It is that thousand and two night of Sheherazade. Finally she gets to go home and sleep in her own bed.  Sleeping beauty awakes from slumber by the falling away of poison. The kiss of a stranger is a reminder that beginnings mean you will meet people you don’t know.  Maybe one of them will be yourself.  A brave new world with the restart button primed.

Once you have shaken off what holds you back.

This Magnificent 9  – King of Numbers. Contains all that precedes it 1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9=45  4+5=9

A moment, a day, a month or a year filled with wisdom shown in the large head of the 9,  how will you use this knowledge?   To lighten your load or to batten the hatches?

Many have tried to defy the 9 by using more ego.  Heck I have tried for years.  Even now, I cant help thinking I know better, but when I feel,  I am ready to be lighter.

Expansive with emotion, the 9 encourages the natural flow of seasonal cycles creating an energetic fusion that makes room for art, music and travel.


Beckoning us to lie in our bed of roses

Be okay with who you are.   Relinquish that hold on the things you ‘should’ have for this journey.

Accept what has gone before and rejoice in it, for this is the keyhole of life.

Allow all that has been to infuse your very depths to slow to a stillness.  It was all perfect and it brought you here.

Now wave good bye.  Really this is like a Harry Potter and Hermione adventure,  standing on Platform number 9 and a half, waiting for the beginning,  a small suitcase, a lunch pack and a magic wand.

Yes 9 whispers, the numbers will guide you faithfully.  Now jump on board, we are off.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

The incredible shrinking woman cheats herself, and others by taking up less space in the world.
Practiced at speaking too quickly, or not at all, mumbling, apologizing, even whispering. Playing it safe, because she is embarrassed to stand out, or ask for too much.

photo 5

But if no one can see her, how safe is she really? In playing it small, she loses her rights and most of the juicy prizes.   There is no reward for playing it small.

What value do you place on the freedom to say your fill?  To show up life size?

Once I thought it wasn’t good manners to talk too much. I heard that phrase often while growing up. ‘Children should be seen and not heard’ Trouble is children grow into adults. When do we get that big ass note that says permission to be as noisy as you want granted? I am so ready!

photo 4-1

I used to be a shrinking violet, swallowing my laugh, hiding in plain sight, desperately ashamed of how ugly and unloveable I felt. So while opportunities were knocking, I was looking down at my feet, secretly longing to be picked, to belong to the noisy happy bunch that didn’t keep score or worry about standing out too much or not enough.

There is a plethora of generalities that women complain too much, talk to much, feel to much. Maybe everything a woman says is somehow too much in some peoples minds. Who cares? We have been pliant and pleasant and fallen over backwards, to no avail. Being the quietest doesn’t have much of a ring.

We all have a voice for a reason, just like we all have a choice in how we use that instrument of freedom. To be silent or loud, long suffering or expressive. Let’s just do it. Speak our minds and our fill. Step out of the shadows into our light.  Be big as we are meant to be.

photo 2-1

Once upon a time I would keep quiet, so I wouldn’t offend someone, anyone. But who will speak for me if I am always silent? I am tired of swallowing my thoughts.  My incredible shrinking woman has had enough. A silent woman is not a peace keeper, she works for the enemy. Keeping small is not honorable, turning the other cheek gets you slapped twice. Having experienced the silent treatment and the betrayal that comes with it, I know how much it hurts.

Cutting yourself short because you think no one wants to hear what you have to say. Feeling pressured to pretend. Judging yourself, rushing to speak, or stopping abruptly then feeling resentful that you didn’t say it all will not give you freedom or joy. How will you ever know or get better at expressing thoughts if you don’t speak up?

words truth

Yes, I am guilty of all those acts. I played small to the hilt.
Many times I failed to enjoy “my moment” to shine because I was more concerned about what people thought than sharing my truth.
Missing my own moment. That does not feel right. In fact it feels really wrong.
Shameful on a whole new level.
To be that woman who refuses to take up space to feel sacred in that expression of self. And in that act, denying other women, mothers, daughters, sisters, the right to freely speak. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Yesterday I was at a Goddess Circle in the woods. It was Divine in every sense of the word. We were there to celebrate and honor the Day of the Dead, our Ancestors and let old outdated habits die.

photo 4

During a private moment. I stood in a shaft of sunlight and breathed in the wisdom of the ancients who danced around our circle. They told me it was time to let go of the last vestiges of the incredible shrinking woman. She is no longer useful. Hiding only works for so long but once you set intentions, and open up for abundant joy, then hiding becomes a distraction. It gets in the way of life, it stops the flow of goodness.

When I hide, it tells the universe I am not serious about wanting to stand in my truth.
When I shrink myself to ‘be fair’, I am playing it small.

When I stand in my bigness,  I give other women the freedom to stand in their fullness.

This November 5, (traditionally Guy Fawkes day),m the number of freedom and change will be intensified since it is a double 5 day.  Five on the calendar and 5 universally  2+0+1+4+1+1+5=14.  1+4=5, which is a day of sharing that truth,  I will be lighting a bonfire to my shrinking woman, and I invite you to join me by step into a size that you can grow into.

To your Success,



Speaking my Truth

I am here to be a truth teller, practicing the Art of Speaking my Truth. Most of us believe in speaking truthfully or at least sharing a version of our truth.  As long as it doesn’t have teeth.

As a little girl I spoke my truth, then got scared,  and was shamed into silence.  I believe in past lives and I get that you may not, which is fine. You are not required to share my beliefs, but it is part of why I feel compelled to be honest.  As an Akashic Reader and Healer I travel into history often. Witness to experiences I, and some of my clients had, punished for speaking out for truth, silenced because others were afraid.  It hurt badly and often ended in a violent death.


That violence created fear of being true to ourselves and that fear stuck. Perhaps it sounds a little crazy to you, but I have lost layers of energetic weight working through my fears in the past couple of years. Every day it gets easier to be more of who I am.

We carry energetic memories in our cells and they keep us immobilized, clinging to what is familiar. Whether these experiences happened to us or to our ancestors, the wounds still affect us.  It messes with our lizard brains and our shuttered hearts, reminding us that safety at all costs, aka keeping quiet is the best way to survive.

Now, after shedding old vows, pain and chains, I do want to openly expose my secrets, even though a few layers left that protest.  I must step up to remind myself of my “no more excuses” rule.  Hiding under the covers will not make me braver or put my truth out on the laundry line.

goddess in stoneDoing what terrifies me is needed now.  The October 23rd new moon triggered a 00 restart button for the Moon, Sun and Venus.  Double zeroes times three is a pretty rare new moon happening, with a partial eclipse,  all which intensifies the Divine Protection.  Eyes of the soul peer back at us setting us off on a deeper dive into what rings true for us.  Zeroes after all are everything and nothing, the Alpha and Omega, beginning and end.  I want to say death by fire but maybe it really is life by fire.   Swirling emotions that choke the conscious mind, and dip into the honey pots of money, beauty, death and love all beckon for a stripping down.

The universe is offering us a chance to live differently, by standing in our true being,  risking all for love of self.  Life purpose, and destiny spelled out in numbers. Night after night I have these dreams where I just miss the mark because I am playing it safe.  Am I willing to lose birthing my truth, now when it is finally safe to crawl out of my secret cave?

uncover your truthThe answer is no.  Even in those dreams I am going back to get it right. Grasping my courage like a sword, aiming for cutting into my taboos, opening hidden wounds.  Laughing and crying all the way because it is nothing personal, its more awakening, more unspooling of the sacred cloth, and I signed up for this.

What if I meet a man and he tells me I am too old, ugly and wrinkly to be loved?

What if I share my deep secrets and I get booed off the stage?

What if no one buys what I sell because they think I am nuts?

I could what if myself till my last breath.  But I no longer want to.

Jen doing zydeco

Dancing Zydeco with the cowboy at breakfast in Breaux Bridge

As I learn more about my why, and lean in to chip away at the can’t, I find it helps to share my fears. I may look a fool, but at least I am in charge of my fooldom. No-one can tell me to shut up and sit down. Well, yes they can, but I don’t have to be diminished by someone else’s fear, or be chained by it.  Their fear is not my truth.

Intimacy has more to do with honesty than crazy acts.  I don’t have to have wild sex with multiple partners or jump off dizzy cliffs to fully live within my truth.  My willingness to stretch the elastic of my shape into new places, I am drawn to, gives me joy and loosens my restrictions.   It fuels my freedom, while I design my score card.

What are you willing to do this month to challenge a fear, and free your soul?

If you are looking to live a joyful successful life without barriers, I invite you to try out a reading

Free to be me

What does it mean to be independent?
We have all these unspoken rules of behavior, a sort of moral code that we navigate life with.  Bound to behave in a certain way, like keeping other people happy and ignoring our own inherent need for freedom.

butterfly jen quote

5 is the number of freedom.  In fact the word freedom vibrates to that number.  All of us at some point of in our lives have to play in 5 energy. Whether it is a number that shows up in your numeric code or not.   And 5 is the number of change.

In that careful navigation we  get lost  in our eagerness to please others, assuming that “THEY” the moral police, know what matters to us. Wanting to make our loved ones happy, because we are trained to believe if we make them happy, we would be happy.

Having lived much of my life by that “THEY SAY”  people code,  carefully balancing all the bits so I wouldn’t offend anyone or take advantage, i know first hand what happens when we ignore our desire to be free.   We trap ourselves in self denial.

Making a fool of myself or standing out, perhaps by offending someone because I didn’t agree with them was out of the question.  Instead I stuffed down my truth so I could carry a flag for someone else’s.     I had opinions but they were like butterflies trapped in a bell jar.  Going nowhere.

Doing right by other’s makes sense, and we do learn much of this as children.  You may not have been encouraged to be all you could be.  Oh you might have heard the words, but what went on behind closed doors was seldom about living free.

numbers pic 7

None of us are meant to be a carbon copy or an exact match yet, in that need to please, we twist ourselves into places that damage us deeply.  On the surface my life looked lovely as a child, and in many ways it was.   People thought my mom was such a hoot, they wanted one just like her.  She was incredible and I love her dearly, but she was also full of her own shadows.   She wanted freedom and felt trapped by her fears, and I felt shut out.   When you live with someone, you can find your rhythm in theirs, and you learn how it is ‘supposed’ to be.  This is not reality, it is a form of moral bullshit.  I didn’t know better then and neither did she, but I do know what I need now.  Hallelujah!

My mom’s number 7, kept her emotionally aloof, because she unconsciously chose shadow from of her experiences growing up.  It is in a mind number that can over think things, and get people trapped in the past. This clashed with my number 6, which is all about family love, and brought forth my people pleaser, who became my safety buffer.  6 can become a martyr with high expectations that lead to lots of disappointment, when in shadow. Unlike its power behavior which is all about taking responsibility for self and loving people for who they are.
Yes, that was me.  A 6 in shadow, because I put pleasing others in front of my needs, thinking (my number 7) I was doing the right thing.  Except it brought out the worst in me, and made me feel wronged.  I couldn’t reason with the result nor makes sense of my fear.

I learned to pretend that all was well, so much so, that I had absolutely no idea what made me happy.  My mom and I were both living in the shadow of our numbers without knowing it. And my mom was only one example of how I thought I needed to be someone else, in order to be loved ergo free.

actually it does matterAs a result I constantly found myself denying what mattered to me.  In fact “it doesn’t matter” is a saying I said so many times, I believed it.  But the truth is it does matter.  It took good friends who love me for who I am now, to remind me that if I bring up something, it is because it matters.  And thats ok.  I am allowed to speak up for what matters to me.  Just as you are allowed to speak up about what matters to you.

Part of owning my individuality.  Standing up for myself is in listening and hearing not only truths from others, but also my own inner truth.  Being ok with all of me, so I can evolve.  Of course having the wisdom of my numbers to draw on helps, too. Now I have a sense of compassion for my mom and me.  It really does make life easier.  Your inner truths must line up with your outer truths.

Knowing my numbers frees me, because I recognize the shadow and I know how to move from shadow into light.  Being free to be me, also means I can’t blame others for what shows up in my life.   Yes, it is a responsibility, and it is a relief.  I feel light and joyful in sharing my experiences and thoughts without guilt or shame.   I feel rich in this freedom.

What of you?   What does freedom mean to you?

If you want to discover your Success Numbers so you can freely live on purpose, and in joy, take a look at my services page.

Success by the numbers

What measures your success – A big house, fame or following your desire?

Success is more than an idea or action, our beings are wired for success. Yet many get caught in chasing the trappings not the joy.

Sparkly items masquerade as success but the truth is you are driven by the song of your soul.  Success asks you to name what you seek, and pursue it. There is no shame in desire, practice or failure, throw in a slight willingness to be vulnerable and different and suddenly the world is more generous. The outskirts of what you know is uncomfortable and exciting, yes and if you want to feast on the juicy berries you must risk thorns and bramble. Adventures & rewards don’t happen while you snooze on the couch.

paris pleasure


Passion and determination manifest personal success, while pursuing ‘trappings’ or the illusion of success can become a prison.

Success asks us to act, to experience the process. This is no wallflower activity, you must invite your desire to dance. A child learns to walk because they are driven to be uprightly mobile. That obstacle course includes a series of steps: try, fail, rest and do it again, till they walk with ease.

Mastering a skill allows you the freedom to run and skip. Doing what fascinates and practicing till you jump the next hurdle.  No athlete is an instant medalist, it takes hours of grueling practice and focusing on the goal to achieve the gold.

The numeric vibration of success equals 17/8 reminding you, that what you place your energy on, in this quest for success will leave a lasting impact. The number eight is the symbol of infinity, what goes around, comes around. Manifesting wealth requires self ownership and leading by example. The willingness to do what it takes, even if that means doing something over and over till it comes naturally as breathing.  The key is to practice without worrying about the outcome, by focusing on the experience.


It is true that mental and emotional blocks can impede your progress, sometimes that includes hiding passion behind a wall of bland.  Fear is a reminder that stuff is in the way. Something unknown or new needs to be looked at closely and dealt with. Personally I have found these past few months incredibly trying and fearful and yet every action has created a greater ease, self awareness and clarity.

Somedays I just vegetate, and that is ok.  I need time to process my fear, and if I get crazy and beat myself up for being afraid, it makes it worse, because then I am focusing on the fear instead of what I want to do.   I discovered that only way through the fear is like learning to walk. Try small steps, fall, rest and then up again onward to the next milestone or fall.   I am driven to speak my truth and push beyond comfortable, because it is actually fun, rewarding, and very freeing once I get through the icky sticky part.  I spent too long waiting for my prince to come.  Someone else was going to save me from my misery, poverty and lack of power.

Lol.  yeah.  Right.  Well, after I got over that illusion of the supposed to happen fairytale,  I discovered that fear is not the enemy. I was standing in waiting for permission to declare and fight for my dream.  No one else can give you permission, you just have to take it.

success the word

You get to chose your experience. No matter what, you have to evolve.  Being born means you grow, age and die.  Bodies continually change, as do minds.  You can sit in that and resist, refusing to budge, you get sucked into more of the same. Choose or have your fate decided. Whatever your chosen role hardly matters if you are not fired up to do something, to succeed at some goal, giving meaning and metamorphosis to your days.  You came here for a reason, maybe today is a good day to get started on uncovering that reason.

You may worry about not having enough money, being overpowered or getting it wrong.  The mind can take you into those places.  Yet the number 17/8 reminds you that success happens through doing.  That energy you engage in fires up the alchemic structure of ‘successing’  – practicing what feels inspired and grounded.  Your individual ideas and determination. coupled with learning and honing your intuition.  Whatever you create must be born of self in joy and balance spiritual and material in order to succeed.

Feeling a sense of accomplishment in the measured steps to the castle of success, which allows me to push through my own fear and see myself evolve, making me rich beyond measure. What can you do light your alchemic sense of success?

Take the time to get to know the song of your soul.

Take your power back, slowly and surely by practicing expressing your voice in whatever way speaks to you.

flying on wings

“Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.”     Ralph Waldo Emerson

Moving through those fears can require clearing the barriers with an Akashic Record Reading  – claim yours by clicking here. 

Number Lessons – The Connection of Two

Choice is key in number two, governing relationships and acceptance. 2 acts as a bridge between these two ideas, since all acceptance is not equal, sometimes it is necessary to go with the flow but we still have a choice in how we show up. Many of us believe we have no choice yet we get to choose what we accept. Do you accept your potential or the circumstance that appears cannot change? One word, two meanings.

Two Chairs

When my marriage was on it’s last legs, I knew I didn’t have the heart to fix what had failed. Nor the courage to walk out the door.  Until I reached a point of no return, convenient lies could no longer influence my choice.  A terrifying time for me, since I was barely able to sleep for fear of the future, while simultaneously experiencing profound relief that there was no going back.

How many times have you swallowed the belief that you were trapped in a situation?  Life has struggles, challenges and disappointments, and we can choose the outlook and even the destination if we are willing.

It is not the journey that defines us, it is our attitude.

Do you believe your life is happening to you or are making it happen? Looking back I see moments of magic, lost. because I hid what I wanted from my partner, pretending all was well, manipulating instead of expressing. Nowadays I am willing to feel what comes up, get clear, and ask for what I need. I do much better when I ground, get curious, and take action.  Our connections with ourselves and others is continually evolving.  I still have doubts and procrastinate. But I want what is on the other side more. Real relationships, with less sulking and suffering in silence, on the sidelines.  I don’t want to be a wallflower at my own ball.

you are only seeing half the picture

Partnership is forged by two ones or a group of ones, all being individual, connected by a common cause, at the same time.  Our own heart and heads are often at war with one another, or even with people that don’t agree with us. Connection doesn’t require agreement about everything, but we must be willing to communicate openly and accept who the other person is.  Stand in who we are and still meet in the middle.

Deciphering the truth between dark and light / right and wrong /masculine and feminine, without offending anyone is an impossible task. And not required.

We will get hurt sometimes, and at other times we may hurt others, hopefully unintentionally. What matters is that we can talk about it, without having to sacrifice ourselves to be “safe” or loved more.  You love you, that is your relationship with yourself.  All the other partnerships and collaborations in your life are gravy. They still need work, because relationships are what help you grow.

the art of conversation

Many of us have suffered through power grabs betrayal and manipulative actions of others.  If we pretend, there is no honesty or respect and we don’t have a relationship, we have a war.  Surrendering to being vulnerable, capable of setting boundaries that create a deep sense of safety and security are hallmarks of the number two. Make no mistake, the two is a powerful and essential number in life.

Consciously or unconsciously we are constantly called to decide. Sometimes doing what makes no sense, until something compels us to act ‘out of the box’. Free will at work. Othertimes our world turns upside down through ‘an act of God’ and we are shifted into a new game. Once again feeling free or trapped in circumstance. All of these experiences draw on the ying and yang of partnership. The delicate, supple strength of 2, which sits facing the one, ready to be of service.  Or, to be in servitude.  Our attitude to our relationships is what steers this choice.

Whether we want to stand in our own power or give it away. Speak about our truth or be washed away in the tide of someone else’s.  Every moment as a being on earth we are called to decide about who we are in a relationship. What we value and are willing to transform to reach that place.  Because two is a number of manifestation, through committing to making a partnership work, we grow and create the beauty we seek in peace, harmony and love.

numbers 1

Willing to work on the details that make us want to run away, push through the struggle and use the masculine and feminine elements within the structure of the two to find a balance..   A generous loving heart and the mettle to be a negotiator, a diplomat, not a doormat.  Bringing ideas, people and possibility together, in spite of fear, power struggles, and hidden agendas. Choosing to surrender to your truth, brings the ability to connect and collaborate to a far deeper level than anything that can happen through coercion or discontent.   Bring all of yourself into this moment.  Asking for what you want does not mean you will get all you ask for, but it will allow you to celebrate being heard.  And is that not what we all strive for as we build relationships?

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love   Jen





Number lessons :- Becoming number one

From the time of Eve and Adam a woman has been portrayed as a whiny temptress, who traps and destroys the fabric of society, through her desires. Ergo, no woman should have desires so all of humanity is “safe”, which then activate fear and denial.  What shifts this story into one with a happy ending?

alcove westerbeke

Embracing the power of one.

Taught to shut your pie hole and stop being so selfish,  denied the right to be passionate in case you tempt, how do you embrace being number one in your life?

In the past I was trapped into placating the world so I wouldn’t make waves. I hid my desires so deep, I wasn’t aware I had any. Even down to what I wanted to eat. Now I am on the road to Paradise, allowing my own senses to lead me astray (in a good way).  I have found the deepest joy in being able to follow my heart, and sink my teeth into my life.  I used to think I needed to behave, so some man would find me suitable.  Now I don’t care about being suitable, I want to own all of me.  Live fully and love who I am.

Come first in my own life.

With relationships that are mutually respectful.  I believe it enables me to have better connection with the people in my life because I don’t expect anyone to save me.  If I was in the Garden of Eden, and wanted to eat the apple, I wouldn’t worry about what Adam wanted.  I would take a bite and walk off, apple in hand.  My life, my choice.   Adam’s life his choice.

qigong westerbeke

What would you do?   Do you think your life is lighter when you listen deepest to your own voice?

Now that I have found my voice I get to do things for myself I would never have done in the old days. I give myself treats that fill my soul.  If I want to be treated well I need to honor my own needs. So last weekend I attended a juicy qigong retreat with my mentor Vicki held at the glorious Westerbeke Ranch in Sonoma.   We gathered to learn the beautiful Lotus form, which illustrates in movement the journey through the muck the lotus seed must endure to blossom.  Which means we have to walk through struggle, face the inevitable battle to birth our own beauty and individuality.  Last weekend felt like a purification of power, shifting further into my oneness.

water lilies

Why the big hoopla to be number one ?   Our safety depends on our willingness to stand up for ourselves.  To know who we are and what we stand for. Otherwise we can easily be swayed by someone else’s story, and be destroyed by it.

That is the power of the number one.   Standing our ground.  Every idea, change or revolution begins with one person who is willing to stand for something.  Birthing that seed of self.

Numbers are an energetic language that reveal clues about our world on a universal and human level. From binary to energetic 1’s and 0’s hold the secret to life in the positive and negative/ light and dark/ masculine and feminine. The zero, a circle of life contains everything and nothing. Number one heralds new beginnings, that straight line of original thought. Bringing out the self reliant leader, ruled by no other master.  Like the Mast of a ship, strong, tall, essential, number one. Carrying the sails and the crow’s nest to move and see all, backbone of the journey, mastering destiny.

labyrinth westerbeke

What inspires you to be you?   No matter what?  Who are you?

As a kid, I was inspired by my dad quoting “I am the Master of my Fate, the Captain of my Soul” from Invictus a poem by William Ernst Henry.  My dad strove to instill within us kids a sense of self ownership. It took many storms but finally I claimed my own ship.  It doesn’t mean there is never rough winds, but as long as I trust who I am, I have the courage to push through the pain.

What is your number one power?

If you are over worried about what other people think, you may never stand tall enough to steer that ship.  It is said that Eve was made from Adam’s rib. But the back story is Lilith.  A woman made from the clay of the earth. Strong, and equal to Adam. She wanted to be on top. I guess both Adam and Lilith wanted to master each other, instead of themselves. Maybe that is why they left the garden of Eden.  Not because they were banished, but because they didn’t understand the rule of one.   We don’t come to earth to turn others into slaves or enslave ourselves.  We come as equals, not the same, different, yet still equivalent, with no soul greater than another.

My dad grew up very poor, an immigrant son, in charge of shaping his own life. The family provided the basics, the rest was up to him.

selfie group westerbeke

His journey was like the growth of the Lotus, pushing through muck to birth his dream, bringing to blossom the incredible glory of each individualized Lotus petal.   Everyone of us, contains within us the desire to birth our individuality and bring forth our beauty.   However we must find our own sense of self, our super one power.

What my dad taught me, through his determined effort, was to hold onto the fire and roots needed to own my fate.  Never give up the dream, no matter what.

What do you believe about being number one?

white one

Yes the fear of standing your ground can churn up shadow behavior, like the mud the roots of the lotus live in.  There can be indecisiveness, repressed feelings, boredom, and possibly defensiveness.  Hiding our need to be who we are, in the shadows can create a convoluted mess that damages everything we touch.  There is no shame in struggle.

Being number one is a challenge and a victory.   The moment the lotus bud burst through the stem into the light above water is a mastery of visibility and willingness to stand in her power.

How will your Lotus bloom?

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Turning Fear into action step 2

Life is like a restaurant, how do you get to sip and savor the best dishes without tasting fear?  Sometimes even though you know what you want, you hesitate and order what you eat often, or what someone else is having. because making a choice costs more than you wanted to spend.  Then the disappointment and self sabotage sets in, because fear overpowered your choice.

Paris Restaurant

A tricky dish.  Some say that in order to know what we want, we have to be aware of what we don’t want.  I am not sure that is the best way to choose the most delicious course.   Because often we look at our life menu, and focus on the missing ingredients that would make daily consumption more tasty.  But how does that make this meal better?  If I want a new experience I much rather focus on the essence that delights, even if fear has the first bite.

Maybe the most devastating of all decisions at the table of life, is no decision. I sat there much of my life, wanting desperately to do the right thing, order the usual, but it didn’t taste right. I feared eating only what stirred my taste buds because that meant I would have to go hungry many times, or risk eating something horrible.

Salad in Paris

All because of my fear of Fear. It felt safe to fool myself that I was free, by not acting.  But all those dishes of fear I ate cold, gnawed my bones and splintered my heart.  Till fear numbed my appetite and closed down my senses. Swallowing stopped.

When I realized there is no wrong decision, only a point of entry for making change, it changed my world.  Instead of worrying that one decision would ruin my life (and my last chance for a good meal) I realized I could inch along one tiny decision at a time to a whole new banquet. Nibble on an appetizer, make a meal of it, until I was ready to go bigger. It so happens that the aromas I inhaled on this path, had me willing to decide faster, with three steps.

Fear is one ingredient not the whole meal.

Step 2  (read about step one click here and step 3 click here)

Choose what road to take.

That thought would terrify me, but using the inching out of the fear method had me willing to risk more. Plus knowing the strengths and challenges of my life purpose and destiny numbers.  How would I fulfill my destiny if I lived scared?

sunflowers in touraine

See I was ignoring change to stop fear, till I realized that making a choice was powerful.  It gave me a voice to feel into what I wanted and to walk my soul road.  A new path creates excitement has you salivating.  Yes, it comes with a fleeting sensation of dread in case you screw up, but there is joy too.  Reverence for choosing passion over the dull sure thing.    Because a sure thing is not always a sure thing.  The known is as risky as the unknown, only we get confused by the imaginary fear of being a worrier not a warrior.

Risk is always present and at some point, we must be willing to do something that we haven’t tasted fully if at all.   You are going to suck at doing something new, and you will do it over ( or try that dish again ) until eventually, after practice and effort you can do that once dreaded thing with the greatest of ease  ( or eat snails with relish ).The beauty of making a choice instead of sitting down waiting, is that you are excited.  Empowered and even in awe of your own potential.

How can you simplify your choice ?  Reduce to two items, two paths and pick one?

Door number 20

Do the Gut check. How do I know if this is the right choice? Well there is the rub, right?  Fear fills all the cracks solid, and it can make moving feel impossible. Until you decide that you will move no matter what.  What if you take option B?   And it doesn’t work the way you dreamed?  At every given moment you can course correct. We don’t know how it’s going to go until we get started.

Every choice is the right choice. The question becomes, is this the best choice for right now?  Or what do I need to know to move forward?  And go out and find that information so you can continue.

Plate of food Denver

I decided one day I wasn’t going to rollover anymore because I was afraid of what would happen.  One decision 4 years ago, has re-birthed my soul. It was a slow crawl to freedom, and now I can stand upright.

Soup or dessert?  Roll the idea around your tongue, feel it in your body.  Listen for the nod, and then take action.  Order, lift your fork, breathe it in, and taste that sublime flavor!

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Reducing Fear Step One

Fear is an emotion, that carries a lot of weight.

For good reason.  Fear is a warning, either to beware of danger or information that doing something different will take you out of a known zone.  Often our reptile brains assume that something new is not safe. Actually doing what damages us repeatedly, is less safe.  Here is step one to moving past fear to action.

Falls between Canada and USA

Stagnation is destructive.  Everything shifts and moves, like the tide coming in and out.  You can be a stone buried in the sand and still the water erodes your shape, topples your balance, bringing you to your knees. Moving you along despite resistance.

I was motionless for a long time.  Waiting for life to open her arms and tell me she loved and approved of me, that all my suffering was going to be rewarded.  But life doesn’t care for gestures and sulks.  Only truth in action, that walking towards her, in willingness. I could wait for things to get better, but as long as I expected my life to be cured without my participation, nothing I wanted was going to show up.  I was afraid to speak up in case it offended someone, or got me booed off stage.

Clock in earth Canada

My precious life was on hold and had little to do with my desires or passions.  With very good excuse, since I was terrified to own up to my ‘shortcomings’,, and what I could not predict nor plan for.  As I watched the water of my life change my shape, I found the strength to move into action. Tiny steps toward the sound of the secrets buried within me. Once I shifted how I was looking at ‘my truth’ I discovered a treasure chest of riches. I contained so much more and had so much more than I had seen, when looking through fear.  All signs pointed to what was possible, if I was willing to begin to actively engage in the dance.   Like the quote from The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo- “He had to chose between thinking of himself as the poor victim of a thief and as an adventurer in search of his treasure.”

Champagne toast

Looking back I can trace the 3 steps I took to turn my mess into movement. Shifts require choices and with the first difficult step taken, each step became easier, with a new viewpoint – that adventurer within me awakened. Changing from comfortable to uncomfortable is a cycle I have grown accustomed to and I now recognize those flutters in my stomach as excitement.

Here are the 3 Steps

1. Decide to do something different.
2. Choose what road to take.
3. Ask for help and be open enough to receive.

Read more about Step 3 here.

Step 1.   Nothing changes if you sit in your living room, polluting the energy pool with regret, or complaints. Ironic, but the more you fret about what is not working, the more you are drawn into that place of lack, and the greater the fear that divides you from what you desire. That universal principle of what you focus on expands at work.


How do you let go of what you know, to get what you want?  First of all, you don’t need to know the details, only the next goal. Our thoughts are insistent suppositions. Minds love the familiar and forge  a groove in our brain, so if we “get off track” panic rears. Thinking too much stops action and creates reaction.  So it is essential that you do something to move the needle out of the groove. Let in the light with creative exploration.  Whatever that looks like to you, it can be sketching, journaling or walking.   Barbara Stanny’s “Overcoming Underearning” book very motivating when I was first getting started.

Begin creating in the present, you are on your adventure right now. How you react, who you want to be, is freely available to you at any time. Fear is not your master unless you give it that power. Take charge of the words you think, speak and breathe, and accept responsibility for making decisions, that feel good.   Shift your perspective by looking at your life as something you get to shape. Fear doesn’t disappear, it morphs, and becomes less about doom and more about the excitement of becoming more of who you are here to be. Once I started appreciating what was around me, humming to the song of gratitude, life started to shift, and those shadowy fears began slipping away.


Doing something different, making a choice that is new, is scary.  But all journeys require a decision.   Should I stay or should I go? Is the left path better?

Truthfully a path is just a path.  It is the attitude you bring along that changes your experience. When you make up your mind to face up to the first hurdle and prove that fear is not the answer, you create room in your heart and head to see more and be more. No one else is in charge of your life.  It may feel like it, but how you react and what you react to is entirely up to you.  Yes, you are that powerful. Try it.  Next time you feel totally irritated about standing in line for instance, decide to take control of how you react.  Smile, relax your stance and jaw, and feel the tension float off.  You are in line for a very good reason, enjoy it.

I chose to change big and small things about myself, on this adventure, signing up to let my wings emerge.  I went beyond the first Akashic Reading because I wanted to hear with my ears what my heart had been hiding.  Every discovery has brought me closer to my gold. Choose to go inward, to discover the breath of your soul.