Barbed Wire Politeness

A polite woman knows her place, or does she?  Saying the right thing is a choice.  Do you say the right thing to keep things running smoothly, the way they have always been? Or do you voice the right words for you?  To clearly mark your territory and take up space in the world with conviction?   Expressing boundaries without barbed wire.



I often see women struggling to express themselves.  Women are known as talkers.  Some people say that women never stop talking.   So maybe you are a talker and maybe you talk to much because you don’t know what to say.   That sounds contradictory.


I see how woman are always apologizing for taking up room, or wanting something different in their lives.  Like somehow its a sin to want what makes you personally feel good that is not shared.


Truth is lot’s of words can confuse people.  When I look back at my life as a young girl, I see a landscape strewn with mixed messages.   All about behaving, being quiet so other people could misbehave.  Kind of like being the designated driver.   And while that may not be a bad thing on occasion, it does put a lot of pressure on a young girl.  Wanting to fit in, told that enthusiasm is not allowed, there are lines drawn in the sand.  Barriers and barbed wire.

The negative side of being the designated driver is that in real life you are supposed to take turns.  To get your own way regularly and to make a big mess that other people clean up.  And vice versa. The double whammy is you are the designated driver and you are told you cant be bossy or that grownups or boys rule.


Yet when you get to be a grown up it is just more of the same.  Coping, pretending, covering up to make it all look nice.    Maybe it is time for you to move your parameters of polite.


To what I refer to as the New Polite.  Where you remember you manners and still get to express yourself.  Say what is on your mind, not be a pushover or pushy.   It is like goldilocks and the three bears.  You find your just right place to create boundaries.  Your true place.

Where no barbed wire is needed.

Joie de Vivre


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