Free falling into autonomy, touching texture and boundary, as I journey inward to meet this riddle, whose substance has long captivated and eluded me. What is the shape of Freedom?
Silence is my entry point, eyes coated in wonder, heart beating so loudly I hear the machine like hum filling my ears, silencing my doubts.
Here I am, on a silent retreat, surrounded by many, guided by Michael Beckwith who urges us to ‘Glow with God’ as we follow our breath, releasing the need to engage with our thoughts.
My first silent retreat in the company of others and the room is filled with a pulsating energy that nourishes us as we go deeper into silence. I feel safe here, safe enough to surrender my mind traps at the door.
It is not possible to check my email, or jump up to distractedly tidy something before I get to meditation. Right now, there is only quiet, making it easy, even a relief to just focus on my breath. No need to impress anyone with my wit nor beg for approval, so I begin seeking the edges of freedom.
Being with people in silence, all focused on their breathing is incredibly peaceful, and liberating. Nothing to do but follow my breath. Yes, this feels spacious.
We are in the high desert where nature rules, surrounded by sentient beings whose only awareness is freedom. A bird completely at ease, soaring with the wind, resting atop the tallest tree. Living her freedom of expression, mostly in silent joy.
I feel the shape of freedom deepen within me as I listen to my breathing in the sound of silence.
Let silence take you to the core of life. – Rumi.
My breath creates bubbles of light within my body, charging my cells, changing me. I sit in this sound of stillness.
Is this freedom?
Surrendering beyond the unexpected noises of silence, the clutter of thought and need to know. Flying beyond words. Following the sound of my breath in search of what lies beyond, even as I hear the words- ‘Where is your attention?’
I can bifocate, even as the spoken words drop in, I feel my cells expanding with more light and see the visual messages I am being shown, as I follow my breath. In my mind’s eye, I see endless people, out in the desert and beyond, their backs to me, arms raised and open. Each one in their own circle of light. Complete within themselves, whole, grounded, holy, a connector, plugged into source, radiating out love in strands that look like christmas lights. All at once an exquisite beauty blooms in my heart, melting my resistance. Opening me to letting go.
Clear crystals grow inside my body filling me with more light. I am light, I am connected to Source. There are no words just feelings. My senses are alert, dialled in. Yes, this feels liberating, open, Divine.
What is the shape of freedom? I taste into what I am experiencing.
I see freedom from my limitations – there is enough energy to light the world. Freedom from my sense of lack, clearly there is more than enough resources for everyone. Freedom from hiding my weird, wild self because I am supposed to fit in a box of should’s. Freedom from my need to separate myself from others and disconnect myself from this world because that darkness that disguises love, is dissolving. I am safe. It is ok to fully be present, complete as me, right here, right now.
Perception is shifting, light is traveling everywhere, see it, know it, let it in. I breathe out this knowing, watching the love multiply.
Freedom is not just about destroying walls, it also offers me responsibility for myself, so I can do what feels aligned and true for m,without obligation. Permission to say NO to what no longer serves and YES to what has that winged bird of liberty fluttering in my soul. Free to be who I truly am. Dance loudly and sing off key. Free to be silent instead of defensively convincing since no words are needed.
‘Let silence take you to the core of life.’ – Rumi.
This quote urges me to freely express the universal nature of my individual being, without needing to do something ‘impressive’. Or say anything at all. At one with a bird named Freedom, who refuses to be shaped by an assumption of supposed to or a presumption of what has been. Freedom shapes herself from my internal guidance, my soul bird, liberating me from needing to be what I am not.
Light ripples in all directions igniting freedom from cookie cutterdom. Sovereignty descends giving me a supreme sense of peace to express myself and dine on the delight in being me. No corset needed to control the essence that flows through me. No worry required for what others think of me nor fearful disconnect necessary. I express therefore I am.
I have touched the shape of freedom and it has forever altered me.
What does freedom mean to you?