Does Fashion create Victims?

Ever find yourself a victim of someone else’s creation? Whether in a dress or a role what we do or say is connected to who we are, an extension of our voice, and a choice. Sometimes the choice is not apparent because we have given our power away so many times, we don’t even know we are doing it.  Using the habitual response to what shows up like people pleasing or trusting a famous designer to understand our needs and make us look good, often backfires, precisely because we haven’t figured out who we are beneath the covers.

Original Photo of a Photo Oscars at the Biltmore

Original Photo of a Photo Oscars at the Biltmore

The way we dress, speak. listen and open our hearts to those we hear is all self expression that requires trust, guts and the willingness to change.  Our judgement is a limitation and a lesson. When we feel the threat of another or discomfort around who we are being, it is probably time to examine why we feel this way.  When I start feeling my throat closing, my heart sinking or a sense of boredom stealing over me, I recognize the tell tale signs. That I am running away from speaking up so I can people please with ease.  What signs show up for you?  And what is you auto go to response?

“It pains me physically to see a woman victimized, rendered pathetic by fashion” – Yves Saint Laurent

Fear of being rude, unkind or getting told off stops me from being genuine. It gets in the way of me focusing on who I really am.  So instead of being more me, more real I am seeking outward validation that I look good, or sound right.  I want people who don’t understand me to give me the stamp of approval.  How screwed up is that? That I allow other people to decide who I should be and how I should behave.

Looking good is fabulous.  Who doesn’t want to turn heads, feeling desirable, and seen? Yet the most attractive style of all is one of confidence in your essence, comfortable with who you are and looking the part. So confident that no one can threaten the foundations of your castle. Empowered and free to be you without the need to convince, cajole or play nice. When you are real, then you can give with a genuineness that is not threatened. Sharing with bountiful delight means more joy and greater rewards.  When you doubt how you look, or show up, angry for for being taken in or being invisible, giving is a struggle that breeds more self doubt and fear.

Where would you rather occupy space?  In a world of glowing generous women, open, caring, and sharing, who dress and express in their own style?  Or mingle with cookie cutter types, too perfect to be real, living in envy, fear and lack individual flair?

I know what I want – what about you?

I think Yves Saint Laurent’s eloquence in this quote runs deep and speaks to the layers of a woman’s life and psyche.  Let’s practice letting go of being victimized or sacrificing other women in how we dress, judge or silence those “fashionable myths” about who women are supposed to be.  I encourage you to get honest about who you are, recognizing your habits of putting yourself down, playing a victim role, people pleasing or even dismissing others out of fear.  Rather find a way to celebrate empowerment through self expression.  Practice showing up as you, seek a pair of generosity glasses to see others through, so that we all learn together to be brave enough to say no to what hurts us.  What is your opinion about fashion, women and the way we treat our kind?

If you need guidance to find your style, through powerful self discovery and setting boundaries contact me, and discover how I can help you show up for real jen@jenduchene.com

Joie de Vivre,

Jen

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Comments

Does Fashion create Victims? — 12 Comments

  1. Sagittarius here! I think we are pretty much fashion don’ts most of the time because we do like to do what we want! I wish there were more clothes available that would let me express my unique self….but I feel it coming 🙂 Thank you for the encouragement!

  2. It really is sad how everyone, especially women try so hard to fit into some arbitrary mold defined by society. Everyone would be so much happier — and pleasant to be around — if we were just ourselves! Easy to say, but hard to do sometimes. Thanks, Jen!

    • I totally agree Carol. Life would be simpler and sweeter if we were just ourselves and yes its harder to make it happen than talk about it – but at least we are leading in the right direction. Thank you

  3. I agree, confidence is the best style of fashion. The fashion industry changes constantly because it makes tons of money. I don’t think they care about our confidence, or comfort level. So we have to do that for ourselves, which is great once you figure out who you are. 🙂

    • Totally Karo, no point in worrying about fashion or anything else unless it suits our style. And figure it out is such fun

  4. Oh Jen! I LOVED this post. I loved your line :’When you are real, then you can give with a genuineness that is not threatened.’ How true true true. You are such a gifted writer, I can hear you speaking. Loved this para as well:
    Where would you rather occupy space? In a world of glowing generous women, open, caring, and sharing, who dress and express in their own style? Or mingle with cookie cutter types, too perfect to be real, living in envy, fear and lack individual flair? This is just so fabulous. PS I’m not normally this gushy, but just sometimes you read something and just want to shriek YES!!!!!! Thank you, J x

    • Dear Julie, I totally could feel your personality in this wonderful comment. Gush away, I totally hear you and appreciate your enthusiasm and honesty. It always feels good to know that I am touching people where it matters and that we share a passion in our choices. Thank you! xox Jen

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