Wanting a different life should be easy to make happen. Just like going on diet. Only you can’t stop thinking about the sweet things you want to eat, and not eating them is a challenge. On top of which, life’s annoyances require a little candy to get by. All good reasons to be fearful, yet fear stifles.
As a mom, a woman and yes a person on a journey that begun the day I was born, I have often been tempted to take that spiritual path to lose my fears, knowing that there was more beyond that fence. But I just couldn’t stop indulging my sweet tooth, (still working on that one) and falling into the habit of complaining about what a struggle life is. Fear sweet talked me big time! I said I wanted a different life, but I didn’t want to do the work to help myself to get there.
And that spiritual part? Don’t get me started. All the spiritual types that showed up in my world raised my hackles. They didn’t seem to want pretty things or care how they looked and insisted it was their way or the highway. I like luxury and I believe surroundings matter. Call me a brat or a bitch, but dumpy shoes, or living in ugly is not my kind of wonderful. We don’t need to think alike to live expansively. I knew something was missing because my heart hurt, while my mind couldn’t stop worrying about the what ifs.
I didn’t know I could do it my way, so I stayed where I was. Trapped, silent and in pain. It took three steps to move me forward beyond that bone yard of fear to living honestly with myself. Not every day is rainbows and lollipops but the truth is my life is beautiful and I celebrate that freedom to be me, every single day.
Lying in the lavender.
Those three steps went like this:
1. Decide to do something different.
2. Choose what road to take.
3. Ask for help and be open enough to receive.
Step 3 was maybe the toughest because I had to open myself. Show someone else or a whole lot of other people that I didn’t know what I was doing, had messed up and swept shit under the carpet. For a long time I pretended I was happy, that everything was fine. I lied about it all, and maybe the worst part was that I couldn’t feel the deep love I wanted to feel.
I didn’t even understand love. I thought it was about doing things for other people. Buying them stuff and making their favorite foods. And getting everyone to play nice. More pretending. It looked pretty but it was a hot tangled mess. Receiving was way beyond my understanding, there was no place for anything to land in my frozen heart.
But I made myself get out of the way, buried the pride I kept falling over and reached out and got help, a whole lot of it. Help is out there, waiting to be asked, when you start looking. It wasn’t a cake walk but determination makes things happen. Excuses are a dime a dozen and they wont help you lose the fear, shift old wounds or stop the pain. I was once the queen of excuses so I know first hand how well that works. Once I started, there was no turning back. And I didn’t want to, it was that good to release the pressure of hiding it all behind a smooth facade. I tried all kinds of treatments, and my favorite was getting an Akashic Reading. It blew my mind, and forever changed how I saw myself and my “restrictions”.
What is the Akashic? A Sankrit word that describes ether. This field is a vast energetic library that holds all the knowledge of past and present experiences of everything. Yes, your soul has a library. Who knew? Held in the space of unconditional love, which does not judge you. Only love you and easily shares tools and healing to rebuild your highway to happiness and growth.
That first Akashic reading changed me, literally. I went in with walls up. I had been hurt so much, dammit, I was not going to hurt again. But I desperately wanted to feel, to hold my daughter against my heart with compassion and see her for who she is. Not fix her, or find fault, just love her. That reading crumbled walls of fear and resistance so that I could learn to love without expectation. I signed up right away to become an Akashic Reader and Healer myself, it was that incredible, and in the process I found my soul calling.
I have lost decades of energetic weight, as I learned the skill and unlearned by baggage, and often have old friends asking me what happened? They tell me I glow and look years younger. The best part is I get to do the same for other people, help them move beyond the fear of fear. Discover the deeper meaning of their lives and take ownership of becoming who they long to be.
Yes there are many ways to get help, and only you know which one fits your path. If you are intrigued and want to know more, I invite you to check out my services page. Not ready to make a commitment? Sign up for my newsletter and keep in the loop.
Life is luscious when you eat the peach you pick from the bowl.