Beginning of April I started this 30 days of Vulnerability sojourn on Facebook.
No coincidence really that this showed up in my life. I am both willing and resistant to this un-peeling of ugliness and beauty.
There is incredible Freedom in looking back and reframing my truth in a new way. From my current place of light living.
April 2015 is a Universal 12 month.(4+2+0+1+5 adds up to 12). Every month and every date has two numbers the Universal and the Gregorian. Each of us has our own calendar too. Its a soup of symbols that guide us. A light along our journey.
12 is an interesting number on the Universal scale.
One of profound learning. 12 teaches us to gain insight through experience. It is our teacher.
Universal numbers indicate where the grit lies in our lives, to help us heal. No matter where we are, or who we are, everyone of us is feeling this energy to some degree. Awakened by the power of the universal codes that ripple through every part of our world.
12 is the number that highlights how we process our life journey. Bringing together our inner Leader and follower. Balance and vision, relationship to our own limits and desires. How we arrange the pieces that fall into our lap so we can make beautiful magic from it or a symphony of dischord and blame.
The universe loves to give us what we say we crave.
‘Free Will’ oh how we love to declare that our hands are tied, that our fate is sealed and we have no free will.
And of course it is convenient to cozy up to that belief. Heavens knows how much I have used that fateful hand to go along for the ride, feeling superior and resentful. On the one hand, look at the lousy hand life has played me, and on the other, what can I do? I am powerless to stop the antics of people who do terrible things. I used to go down that dangerous slope feeling so sorry for myself and yes thinking the world was going to hell in a hand basket.
But remember that free will option? Yes the number 12 gives it to us. Freely.
Because life is full of experience. Is there a day that doesn’t pass when we are not being confronted by things that have us feeling crowded into a corner, or discovering new wondrous things we had no idea were possible? This is our field of experience. Call us scientists of discovery, unraveling the mysteries of what our own lives reveal.
So while the 12 is our teacher, wanting us to absorb the best of what we have learned through living, she gives us the option to think of it all as crap.
To stay in the learning cycle, stuck in the groove like a broken record, wailing out the same phrase.
Or to leap into a whole new song. The Ode to Joy and New Inventions – using our scientific evidence to create amazing new things we can revel in. 1 plus 2 make 3.
3 is JOY. Giving us total freedom to slide down the long slide from integrating to becoming a child of our experience.
Using what we discovered to make mud pies out of mud. Dancing naked in the sunlight, chasing butterflies or capturing rainbows.
Building a captivating castle to house the emotions of self expression, that free us from the illusionary prison of our own shadows.
I used to believe my life was a dirt. That I had no value or purpose.
Now I know that belief is the magic switch that I can flick up or down. The only thing I can control in my life is what I believe, and how I react when mud flies in and stick to me. When I am out in the world and for instance feel jealousy creeping over me, because someone is getting more attention than me. Or getting the attention I think should be mine. I no longer let those types of responses shut me down.
Rather I ponder ‘Will my jealousy bring me more attention?’ ‘ Will it stroke my ego and light my creative soul, so that I can be seen?’
The answers are clear. NO. a thousand times no.
Jealousy only makes me feel less worthwhile. It brings up every moment I have felt jealous and justified like a trail of vomit. Stinking, cloying and trapping me in places I cannot live happily.
It stings me and stains my skin, takes me out of this present moment. Holds me resentful, and of no use to anyone. Useless to myself and where I want to grow.
Of course I can shove down the jealousy and berate myself. But I prefer to be kind, compassionate and lend a willing ear to my inner child who is whining.
Because if she had been heard the first time, or the tenth time, maybe she wouldn’t be whining now.
What does she need? She needs to know she has value. That she is important, loved, celebrated.
Oh yes. I can do that. I can give myself a creative project to explore my value. Recognize my virtue and comfort my shushed pieces.
With that I feel the tears of joy. The ones that say I am so glad you can see all of me. Even the bits you don’t want to see.
Yes my vulnerability stings, but it helps me release the layers of bitterness I have clung to beyond the sell by date.
When we are whole, we can love on a greater scale. Our Joy can reach the stars and the crystal core of Earth Mother’s heart.
The 12 invites you to entertain your Jubilance. Birth new ways to use old, outdated no longer needed stories. Paper the walls you can paint over on.
The child within me salutes the child within you.