Growing up a girl, I learned to still my voice. To be a good girl, swallow my loud laugh, and odd behavior. Hide out behind veils of pretense. I got into the habit of swallowing and stifling. Living a lie. I thought life and all my good intentioned loved ones, were telling me that my obedience would be rewarded.
Roll forward fifty years, and life unravels before my eyes. I do get time for good behavior, just not exactly the kind I was dreaming of.
While I sat still, and smothered anger, and impolite retorts, a bramble grew up around me. Woven tight around my throat, it was painful to speak my truth. A rough unpracticed sound. The need to be perfect, polished and practiced pulled my jaw shut. The Polite Woman, bound in fear. Needing a safe space to cry in, perhaps to die in. Who could bear the pain of being a silent woman. Invisible and forgotten. Dusty, and stiff. Learning to dance with a rose in my teeth has been a challenge that made me weep. As I dropped the veils and entered the hall of naked. Exposed. Vulnerable. Ashamed.
A funny thing happened when I shed my cloak of polite indifference. My laughter changed. The barbed wire cutting into my heart melted. I felt powerful. I found me. Feeling my feet touch the ground, the earth in my toes. That freedom to run wild, has opened me up to a joy I had forgotten. I can laugh from the belly. Life is not perfect and neither am I. But I no longer need a keeper at the gate. Lifting my voice has opened up the view from my throat tower. My voice box has a melody.. The other day I saw the golden nightingale fly free. I can laugh without waiting for permission. I feel safe. I dont have the urge to fix anyone nor pout about my put upon life.
Speaking out, with my truth. Letting go of the millstone of being a victim. Of blaming others for a life less lived. My stories, like your stories are part of our makeup. They make me who I am. Your stories mark you, and strengthen you.
Are you ready to let go of holding on for the neigbor’s sake? When you surrender to your truth, miracles happen which feels so right and so good.
No more waiting to fill your dance card. You will go to the ball.